One Album Wonders: New Radicals

The New Radicals could very well be the ultimate one-hit wonders. I will probably say that 73 more times before I ride my beaten up Dell laptop into the digital sunset, but this time I really mean it. Swear.

The band was the brainchild and more or less solo project of Gregg Alexander a.k.a. the bald guy in The Hat, who wrote and produced all the group's songs. Alexander was a former rocker from Michigan who, as a teenager, made two unsuccessful solo albums in the early '90s--Michigan Rain and um, Intoxifornication (click here to see one of his hilariously awful music videos that looks like it was filmed in the Lost Boys' lair). He then briefly turned to professional songwriting for artists like Belinda Carlisle and The Bangles. When Alexander came to MCA with his new band in 1998, he was given a $600,000 advance for one album and soon delivered a hit song with the subversive "You Only Get What You Give," (#36 Hot 100) the first single from their debut album Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too (#10 Billboard Albums).

While the band indeed had a second single, for once there was a legitimate reason why you didn't hear it. By the time it was being prepped for release Alexander was nowhere to be found. Why? We'll get to that. For now, we'll just go ahead and say that if you're going to the Sam Goody to find the latest New Radicals' album, keep holding your breath cause this is it. That's right, the New Radicals are part of the exclusive club known as "one-album wonders."

But first, the songs.

"You Only Get What You Give" is an excellent song. From the Mick Jagger aping vocals to the ringing piano intro, this type of masterfully constructed and well-produced pop was rare in the late '90s--something more akin to Todd Rundgren and Hall & Oates than any of the Radicals' peers. Since the New Radicals weren't really a band in the true sense (Alexander being the only consistent member), the best of the best of studio musicians were used to build a precise, layered sound.

Drawing as much attention as the song's catchy melodies were the lyrics. Bowing to the pop-culture reference gods that seemed to be the fashion in the late '90s, Alexander name checks several bands in the line: "Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson/Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson/ You're all fakes run to your mansions/Come around we'll kick your ass in." The line gained infamy with the targets themselves, particularly Manson, who said he was upset only that he was mentioned in the same breath as Courtney Love. He claimed he would "crack his skull open" if he ever saw Alexander. But c'mon, didn't we all see that episode of The Wonder Years where Paul got his ass kicked? Manson's not gonna do anything but run to Fred Savage crying--plus, Alexander's got The Hat. The Hat clearly holds some sort of magical anti-anti-Christ powers, otherwise he wouldn't wear it every time we see him, right? It's like the Green Lantern ring or Venom's alien suit. Without it, he's just a normal bald guy--but when he puts it on, he's a superhuman songwriting machine; producing and singing songs as sociopolitical as they are catchy. Seriously, it's not just cause he's bald. I hope.

Alexander later claimed that the entire song was an attack on consumerism (the video is set in a shopping mall) and that the line was merely an experiment to see if the media would take notice of his social critiques or his ridiculing of celebs. Dude, I totally picked up on that.



Alexander's social critiques didn't stop there. In interviews he would often go on rants about the government, organized religion, and lack of funding for education and other social programs. Supposedly the other songs on the album also include some incendiary critiques. That's right, the New Radicals (the name suddenly makes sense!) would have totally taken down "the man" had America not been skipping them to get to the hit.

In fact, Alexander became so fed up with "the man" and consumerism that he basically quit his own successful band (though I'm kind of doubting he gave back the 600 grand). To explain: the band had a planned tour of the UK, but had a warm up date at a festival in Atlanta. When Alexander failed to show, the band's people released a statement saying that someone in the band had taken ill, conveniently not naming names. Then, after filming a video for the second single "Someday We'll Know," Alexander issued a press release two weeks before the release date saying that the band was kaput.

Some choice quotes from said press release:

• "I view myself much the same as a just getting started Babyface or Matthew Wilder (No Doubt producer), who dabbled in performing, but whose real calling was being a producer." (Whoa, whoa, whoa, Babyface and Matthew Wilder? Someone's getting a little too big for their britches. Let's scale it down a notch. You're like a young Mutt Lange at best)
• "I'm more interested in being the next Mutt Lange than a performer." (Now we're talkin! And with Shania Twain newly single, this is now all the more possible)
• "I'm going to be turning thirty next year, and realise that the fatigue of travelling & getting three hours sleep in a different hotel every night to do boring 'hanging and schmoozing' with radio and retail people, is definitely not for me ... now I can do what I do best." (Wear magical hats?)
  
• "Over the last several months...I was wearing a hat while performing so that people wouldn't see my lack of enthusiasm." (Nice try explaining away the hat, I almost fell for it. Oh yeah, and can you be)
• "I'd lost interest in fronting a 'One Hit Wonder'" (GASP! An admission that the band might not have the longevity of The Rolling Stones??)
  

Given Alexander's bitch fit the band's break up, "Someday We'll Know" got almost no promotion and as a result, didn't chart on the Hot 100, only barely breaking into the Adult Top 40. Like, "YOGWYG," "Someday" is a very good song--maybe even better than the hit. It's a ridiculously catchy, mid-tempo love ballad and one that proves Alexander had the chops to write a killer hook. The tune has subsequently been covered by several artists that Alexander went onto produce (spoiler alert!) such as Mandy Moore and Hall & Oates, proving that it had staying power beyond your average second single. Here's the Radicals' final video (WARNING: the all-powerful Hat makes a cameo)


Alexander has, in recent years, made his dream of becoming an in-demand pop producer and songwriter a reality, working with Rod Stewart, two Spice Girls and writing Michelle Branch & Santana's Grammy-winning "The Game of Love" (I've never heard it either). He's also done work under aliases such as Alex Ander (NICE!) and The Party People. So mysterious! Always keeping that...huge...audience...on their toes! He also released an uncredited one-off track in 2003 called "A Love Like That"--believed to be a Brainwashed outtake. In 2007, Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo included an early demo of an Alexander song he recorded circa 1992 titled "The World We Love So Much" on his collection Alone.

Who knows what the Radicals could have done had they stuck together? They're one of the few bands who had the smarts and talent to become something more than one-hit wonders. Maybe. Fans around the world still hold out hope that Alexander and/or the Radicals will someday release new music, though it seems that the man is now using The Hat only to help others, and perhaps that's for the best.

More power to you, Gregg, and never lose the power of The Hat.

Download: New Radicals - Someday We'll Know
Download: New Radicals - You Only Get What You Give

New Radicals MCA Website
Danielle Briseboise

Canadian Wonder # 3 - Alannah Myles

EDITOR'S NOTE: I've had a few requests to shoot this blog up with a little estrogen before things get weird, but I didn't want to do an entry JUST cause someone is female, cause I feel that's some sort of political affirmative action I'm not ready to deal with, and it's unfair to the other artists. However, I am more than willing to write about someone just cause they're Canadian so here goes.

What comes to one's mind when the name Alannah Myles is uttered? Raven-haired? Beautiful? Sexy? Sensual? Smoky? Bewitching? Actually a witch? Canadian? All of the above?

Or maybe you have no idea who I'm talking about.

Born in Tornonto and reared on a ranch in Buckhorn, Ontario, Alannah Myles spent her early years riding horses and learning guitar, and at age 18 began performing covers and originals at music clubs in Southern Ontario, where she met future songwriting partner Christopher Ward.

According to Wikipedia, sometime in 1984, she appeared on the classic Canadian teen melodrama Kids of Degrassi in an episode entitled "Catherine Finds Her Balance." Myles was typecast as an aspiring singer.

After years of digging deep in the music clubs and A&R Great White North and coming up empty handed, Myles tried her hand at breaking into the US. Quite ingeniously, Myles came up with the idea of recording a video to go along with the demo of her song "Just One Kiss" that she was shopping around to various labels. Recognizing the quality of her songwriting and possibly being turned on/frightened by the fear that Myles might cast a spell on them with her sexy witch powers (these were men who had dealt with Stevie Nicks after all) , she was eventually signed to Atlantic Records.

Released in 1989, Myles self-titled debut landed big in Canada, led by the first single "Love Is" going to #5 on the Canadian charts. The album spawned another three singles, including the mega-hit "Black Velvet," propelling it to DIAMOND status in Canada, (like the US Platinum)--selling 1,000,000 copies, which means that a sizable chunk of the Canadian population was rocking out this album while ice fishing, curling, making a disproportionate amount of kids shows and movies for Nickelodeon, watching Kids in the Hall, chopping down trees, speaking French, being cold, or doing at least half a dozen other Canadian activities.

The album also sold a million copies in the US, though it had less reason to. The only song that was a bonafide hit in the US was "Black Velvet"--but lord a mercy, what a hit it was, hitting #1 on the Hot 100 and Mainstream Rock Tracks in March of 1990--unofficially making Myles the first one-hit wonder of the decade. Yet another glass ceiling broken, ladies.

Like another ultimate one-hit wonder before it ("American Pie") "Black Velvet" is a tribute to a dead rock star--in this case, a ballad tracing the tragic life of one Elvis Aaron Presley--the title referring to the the brand of product Presley used to dye his hair and give it that trademark black sheen. The track's production is all rootsy with a noirish vibe to it and a huge hook in the chorus. Myles' strong, husky vocals are quite gorgeous, even if they are hard to differentiate from other husky voices songstresses (Bonnie Tyler, Kim Carnes). The song is legitimately great and deserving of its success. It's well-written, memorable, nicely played and nicely sung.

The video was of course another reason for the song's huge success. All black tendrils, black studded leather jackets, black leather belts and big (black) eyebrows, Myles is all about some early '90s hotness. The look is country and rock n' roll all at once--basically she looks like a B-movie biker chick. Hot. But in all honesty, I'm not even sure this is really Alannah Myles. I'm thinking this might be Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio playing Alannah Myles as a biker chick for the video.

And of course, her band looks like they just got kicked out of the hair-metal group Extreme, save for the lead guitarist who clearly thinks he's in a Def Leppard cover band.


The song was so huge, it got covered the very same year by country artist Robin Lee. Unlike the great Marc Cohn, Myles song wasn't able to break into the country charts, the reason seeming to be that Myles version was a) not quite bland enough and b) lacking pedal steel guitar. Other than that though, there's no real reason for this remake, except maybe they thought country fans would be scared of Myles. I can see that. Looking at Robin Lee, it's obvious why she appealed to mainstream country fans at the time--she's sort of like the home version of Myles--cute, but about as sexy as a mannequin at A Pea in the Pod. But damn, check out the Glamor Shot!

Substitute the black leather for a pink sweater--perfect. Safe, bland--just the way we like it.

The cover peaked at #12 on the country charts, becoming Lee's biggest hit.

"Black Velvet" had been Myles debut single in the US, so the record company went back and released her first Canadian single, "Love Is" as her second US single. Gone is the smoky, acoustic based blues-country sound of "Velvet" in favor of a more classic rock sound. It's a fine, catchy rock song and it's not hard to see why it was a hit elsewhere. Why didn't it hit here? Who knows? It almost sounds like a female version of Tom Cochrane's "Life is a Highway" which would come out a couple of years later, and it's not dissimilar from the slick blues rock Bonnie Raitt would achieve success with in 1991. Not to mention that she looked like a hotter version of ER's Julianna Margulies in the video. Maybe Myles was just ahead of her time.

Like the other Canadian Wonders, Myles went on to become a big star in Canada, winning all kinds of Juno awards and continued charting until 1997, including a number one hit "Song Instead of a Kiss" released in 1992--impressive considering "Black Velvet" had only reached #2 in Myles' home country. The hit came off of her second album, Rockinghorse, which sold 200,000+ copies in Canada, and I think I can see why.

Alannah Myles = horse porn pioneer?

Again, way ahead of her time. It would take Harry Potter at least fifteen years before he had the balls to get naked with a horse on camera. Amateur.

Alannah left Atlantic Records in 1997, and released one album on the ARK 21 record label, A-lan-nah.

After the release of the album, 11 years of silence followed.

The ensuing decade was brutal. My dog died. War broke out. Natural disasters ravaged the US. Crash won an Oscar."Black Velvet" started to be dropped from "mix" stations. Mr. Rogers died. Britney Spears went batshit crazy. Ashton Kutcher shot to stardom. Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise. Arrested Development got canceled. I'm not saying these events were connected, but I'm not saying they're not either.

So thank god Alannah Myles returned in 2008 with a new album entitled, you guessed it, Black Velvet, which includes a re-recording of the title track. It's become popular for one-hit wonders to re-record their big hit, probably under conditions that would enable them to receive more money than they get from the original recording. Naming her new album Black Velvet, most likely realizing that the uninformed consumer won't know the difference is a dubious practice at best, but whatever, it's also kind of genius. The version available on iTunes entitled "Black Velvet 2007" is a terrible techno remix, an approximation of Tatu or some other terrible, vaguely electronic group. Myles clearly hasn't lost her voice (unless they just used the original vocal track, which is possible), but the song's choice of direction is a weak attempt at injecting new life into a song that doesn't really need it in the first place.

While the album does offer up ten new tracks, the intent is clear: "if we use my one hit as the album title, suckers will buy the new, shitty version and I'll make some dolla billz, ya'll" (direct quote).

Now Myles she sits and waits for her big comeback, her hair now with a skunkish white streak, making her look even more sexy witchlike--or Lily Munster-like, really.

Download: Alannah Myles - Black Velvet
Download: Alannah Myles - Love Is
Download: Alannah Myles - Black Velvet (2007)
Download: Robin Lee - Black Velvet (cover)

Buy Alannah's stuff here
Visit her MySpace here

One Hit and That's It: Willi One Blood

Note: The "One Hit and That's It" will feature people who, for whatever reason, didn't have a second single--or not one to speak of--and seemed to virtually disappear from the music business. This is the first entry.

As a teenager, my friends and I wiled away our Saturdays at boarding school by taking the bus to the Hamilton Place Mall in Chattanooga, Tennessee. The suburban mall is a melting pot of every social group of teenage society: rednecks, skaters, goths, preps, sluts, indie kids, Anime/Dungeons & Dragons kids, stoners, hippies, etc. My friends and I watched from the food court, munching on warm pretzels and Chik-fil-A, wasting time until the next showing of Blade by fitting everyone who walked by into one of the above groups.

When the ultimate mall rat--the wigger--walked by, decked out in Tommy jeans and red FUBU shirt, his fitted hat turned to the side, tag still attached, with wispy hairs scattered across his upper lip and chin--a sad but earnest nod to a real goatee. We all groaned.

"Wiggers have got to be the worst ever," my friend said.

"Without a doubt," we all agreed. What could beat a wigger?

"Hippies," another friend said. I didn't agree. I had friends who could be considered hippies, they weren't bad, though I knew deep down that hippies at their worst could easily rival even Snow himself.

As if to silence our conversation, walking past the Great Wraps gyro place at that moment was a young man with light brown, shoulder length dreads tucked into a beanie, his skinny frame covered in an XXL tie-dye shirt with the sepia-toned visage of Bob Marley printed on the front, shorts so long they almost touched his Birkenstocks, and a kinky chin beard that reached his chest. He carried a bag from Camelot Music, no doubt stuffed with drug paraphernalia and black light posters.

He was a White Rastafarian. The worst of wiggers mixed with the worst of hippies to create the ultimate cultural insult.

And what goes with White Rastafarians? Reggae music. The problem is, the White Rastafrian's knowledge of reggae extends no further than Bob Marley's greatest hits album Legend.

By 1994, the white guy dreadlocks had made their way into mainstream rock music through Adam Duritz of Counting Crows, but, mercifully, the white guy reggae was still held at bay--until our hero came on the scene with the Dumb & Dumber soundtrack.

The Dumb & Dumber soundtrack is like a time capsule of flash in the pan bands from 1994-95--The Proclaimers, Green Jelly, Pete Droge, Deee-Lite, Butthole Surfers, Deadeye Dick, and, as previously covered, the Crash Test Dummies all appear, some playing hits, some playing covers or b-sides. Quite an amazing collection for anyone who was incredibly impressed with that year's modern rock output.

Then there's our hero, Willi One Blood's (aka William Harbour, Jr.) "Whiney Whiney (What Really Drives Me Crazy)". Mr. One Blood is an artist who came out of nowhere, as if his sole purpose was to have this song appear on this soundtrack and later disappear into a cloud of ganja smoke and incense. The song starts out with the sound of a door closing, some cowboy sounding guy saying "hold it stranger!" and then a cartoon sound effect leads us into Willie making proclamations about a "New dance! It's an old dance come back again!" over a vaguely Middle Eastern Indian melody, he then gives us a cliched "Lord-a-mercy!"--leading one to think he might actually be Dave Chappelle's Rasta character from Half-Baked-- before the song's beat breaks in with a saxophone goofily doubling One Blood's vocal melody. The song then begins to borrow heavily from '60s music, filling up several measures with at least two classics--"The Locomotion" and The Kinks "You Really Got Me," but screwing both up with unnecessary Willieisms. The song even credits Henry Mancini as a songwriter, although I'm admittedly not knowledgeable enough to know which parts are him ripping off that great composer.

Mr. One-Blood might defend his choice of using other songs as sampling, but really, it sounds closer to a reggae version of one of "Weird Al"'s famous polka medleys in which he runs together ten or so popular songs, all played as traditional polka. That's actually the best comparison I can come up with for Mr. One Blood. He's like a reggae White Rasta version of "Weird Al"--and yes, that's as good as it sounds.

But here's the problem--I don't think he's joking. Sure, he means for the song to be fun, but not quite for it to be the joke that it came out sounding like. The song's lyrics (and video) really seem to be calling for people to start doing this new "Whiney Whiney" dance that he's proposing. He desperately wants this thing to catch on, although, strangely, he never gives instructions, except for explaning that a) It's a new dance, and b) it really drives him crazy.

Here, in all its glory, is the video featuring Mr. One Blood, many stereotypical looking Indian people, some scantily clad women doing what I assume is the "Whiney Whiney" dance, and some random clips from Dumb & Dumber (by far the best part):

The song went to #34 on the Top 40 charts, #62 on the Top 100 and #34 on the "Rhythmic Top 40" which is something new to me, but which apparently leans towards rhythmic (key word) R&B, hip-hop and dance based music. The Dumb & Dumber soundtrack peaked at #62.

But that's not quite the end of Willi One Blood--first he appeared as "1st Stansfield Man" in Leon aka The Professional opposite Gary Oldman, Jean Reno and Natalie Portman. Um...I think you'll be able to pick him out.
Caution: ultra violence in this clip

"The fuck you know about music?" -- Willi One Blood, The Professional.

And did you see the way he shot that gun at that little kid? That deserves at least an Independent Spirit Award. One Blood continued his acting career in the box-office smash that turned Jerry O'Connell into a mega-star, MTV Films' Joe's Apartment.

Also, somewhat surprisingly, he did release a second single in 1996 called "It's True," but I'll be damned if I could find any evidence that it actually existed beyond an entry on AllMusic.com. That's right, no second single this week, I have failed you, dear readers! Regardless, the song--if it was even released (and I do have my doubts)--failed to do anything and saw Willie drop off the planet for a good, oh, 14 years.

What was One Blood doing all those years? Did he take the cash from his one hit, skip down to Kingston and blow it all on weed and Wailers bootlegs? Probably. Did he travel to different countries, with nothing but a turntable and microphone (perhaps two turntables?) singing his one song, and trying in earnest to teach his "Whiney Whiney" dance to hundreds of people in war torn, third world countries? Man, I hope so.

However, the picture to the left suggests a Hook-like scenario wherein Willi got amnesia, forgot he was ever a white rasta/hip-hop/reggae singer, and instead married, had children, settled down in Coral Gables and became an accountant or PR rep. Whatever he's been doing, Captain Hook must have captured his kids 'cause he's back in action, crowing his ass off and reggae-rapping like nobody's business.

Like all other has-beens or never-weres, One Blood has a MySpace page that reveals him to be, among other things, 104 years old, female, currently residing in Miami and a self-described "true original." It would also seem from the pictures that he's decided to spit in the face of all women by going and cutting off his lovely dreads--so as to just look like a normal white guy singing reggae.

The songs range from the sub-Sean Paul to sub-Wyclef Jean. Try not to roll your eyes at the sample heavy awfulness of "Best of One Blood" or "Life is Like a Road" (paging Tom Cochrane), both of which sound like they were made using Windows 98 versions of Audacity and Acid Music. Maybe this just isn't my type of music, but the vocals sound more like a parody of reggae than respectful. According to the page, these songs all come from the aforementioned forthcoming album, Blazing, a title which I can only assume is a social commentary on the devastating forest fires California has experienced over the past few ye--what? Oh. He's talking about weed again, isn't he? Damn these White Rastafarians!

I will leave you with a question for today, followed by a quote from Mr. One Blood:

Dumb & Dumber's soundtrack CD was only the second CD I ever owned. I'd also count reggae as one of the two or three genres of music I've never managed to get into. Coincidence? Is Willi One Blood to blame for my reticence to experience Lee "Scratch" Perry or Burning Spear?

"One thing I've learned in my travels is that people have more in common than they want to admit. So we might as well learn to live together. One world, one love, one blood."
--W. One Blood, MySpace page

Download: Willi One Blood - Whiney Whiney (What Really Drives Me Crazy)

Primitive Radio Gods - "Motherf**ker"

Few one-hit wonder songs from the '90s hold up as well as Primitive Radio Gods' "Standing Outside a Phone Booth With Money in My Hand." The song was ahead of its time with its perfect use of a B.B. King sample and hip-hop beats mixed with a more traditional piano-based rock ballad. How could a song so good lead to jack shit?

But first, let's get the other stuff out of the way. who the hell were Primitive Radio Gods anyway? Where did they come from and where did they go?

Primitive Radio Gods' story is one of extreme disappointment, extreme luck, then just regular disappointment, followed by more extreme disappointment.

The Gods' album Rocket started as a project by Chris O'Connor, the bassist/singer from some Southern California band called I-Rails. Around 1990-91, O'Connor made a demo of ten hip-hop inspired tunes on a shoe-string budget, recording in a friend's garage using a barely-working 16-track tape deck. He sent the tapes out to local radio stations under the moniker "Primative Radio Gods" (sic) expecting airplay, but instead got silence.

And O'Connor became so used to the silence he decided he'd continue the silence with a job where he couldn't hear shit. He used his Navy training to become an air traffic controller at LAX and got to wave those glowsticks and wear those super-intense ear muffs--no doubt working to muffle the cries of his inner thoughts, screaming at O'Connor that he should be backstage somewhere, doing blow off Winona Ryder's big toe.

Instead he wussed out, put the tapes in storage and forgot about them until 1994 when he finally grew a pair--or had some surgically implanted--and decided to send the demo out to a bunch of record labels as a last ditch effort to revive his flagging music career (get it? Flagging! Cause he flags down planes! No, I'm not Bill Shakespeare, I get that a lot though).

Weeks later, O'Connor heard from the executive of Fiction Records who said that he was very interested in the demos, but namely one song--"Where the Monkey Meets the Man." Okay, not really. Predictably, the exec. liked the only song worth a damn, "Standing Outside a Phone Booth..." and soon O'Connor found himself with a publishing deal, a contract with Columbia Records and "Standing" on the uber-'90s soundtrack to the massive box-office failure, The Cable Guy--directed by Ben Stiller, written by Judd Apatow and starring Jim Carrey, and nobodies like Jack Black, and Owen Wilson. Of course that movie would fail! We were all geniuses in the '90s. We knew what was good. Batman Forever, now that was a fuckin' movie!

The song became a huge hit, going to #7 on Top 40 and #1 on Modern Rock Tracks. Kids and grandparents alike were singing the B.B. King sample at the top of their lungs, "I been downhearted baby, ever since the day we met!" and people were so pumped by the song, they went out and bought the album.

Er, bad idea. You see, the album, to put it in Wesley Willis terms, sucks a caribou's asshole. "Standing" is, like so many other one-hit wonders, far and away the best song the band ever released and not at all indicative of the rest of the band's work. At the time the song may have seemed like a novelty, but with its earnest lyrics, inventive, lo-fi production and innovative sampling it was ahead of its time and wouldn't sound out of place coming from a lot of current indie bands. The song is actually affecting--I still get chills up my spine when O'Connor begins to sing the B.B. King line right before the song delves into instrumental feedback and dissonance.



Unfortunately, the same can't be said for their great choice of follow up single--"Motherf**ker." Right off, that song has hit written all over it, right? It should be noted that I'm not censoring myself, I'm writing the word at it is written on the back of the album, and in turn, the word that earned them the much coveted "PARENTAL ADVISORY" sticker. I don't know if they bleeped it on radio cause, frankly, it was never really played on radio.

Sure, "Motherf**ker" isn't bad for a lo-fi alternative funk-rock song with hip-hop elements. Okay, yes it is. First, there's this annoying siren that plays throughout the song, as well as a beeping that sounds like a garbage truck backing up. Then, O'Connor tries to actually sing on this one--gone is the low-key talk-singing he did on "Standing." His voice cracks and breaks any time he goes out of his vocal range several times, making him sound more like a terrible Soul Asylum tribute act vocalist than a singer with a major label contract. Add to that the atonal, amateurish lead guitar that has not one, but two solos. The chorus is the only decent part, but it sounds like it was taken from an '80s monster ballad and sticks out like Sarah Palin at a PETA meeting (topical reference quota fufilled).

Perhaps the worst part is the production. It doesn't just sound cheap, it sounds like a cheap record where the producer desperately wanted to make it sound expensive--and failed miserably. We know O'Connor made it under less-than-ideal circumstances, but tons of great records have been made with fewer resources than he had and sound a lot better (Bleach, Bee Thousand, Nebraska, to name a few)--hell, "Standing" perfectly utilized his cheap tools and budget; it sounded cheap, yes--but in a creative way, like when you were a child and your parents would give you a cardboard box and magic marker and tell you to make a game and you had more fun than you would playing Sega Genesis or Ninja Turtles.

(No? No one else's parents did that? Just mine? Okay.)

Despite Rocket being cerfitied gold, "Motherf**ker" received no promotion by Columbia, who clearly saw "Standing" for the fluke that it was. And in a case of assholism that might make even James Spader's character in Pretty in Pink gasp, the label dropped them soon after.

Things only got worse from there on out. The group was lucky enough to have a fan in the executive from Columbia who had signed them in the first place--Jonathan Daniel. Having moved on to Sire Records, Daniel got the group a deal at Sire to release their follow up album, Mellotron On! Unfortunately, Sire was merging with London Records at the time and were having issues negotiating the release of Mellotron On! During the hiatus, the band was forced to go back to day jobs--O'Connor held out for as long as he could by living off songwriting royalties, but eventually he caved in and became a flower delivery boy. Yikes.

After they were dropped from London-Sire, Daniel once again stepped in and signed them to his independent label, What Are Records? where they released a modified version of Mellotron On! titled White Hot Peach. The album did nothing on the charts and after releasing a couple of other EPs and compilations, the Gods moved on to releasing music independently from their website.

Most recently they released an mp3 Internet-only, "shoegaze inspired" album titled Sweet Venus on their website. The only information I can find on it is from some Australia-based music magazine called Tomatrax, which listed one of the album's songs as #1 for 2006. Check out their site if you want, (it's hosted by geocities, so you know it's legit).

Next time we'll talk about an artist who made one hit and disappeared into the ether, never to be seen again--something Primitive Radio Gods probably should have considered.

Download: Primitive Radio Gods - Motherf**ker
Download: Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand

Visit their website and buy stuff here!